Not meant for me

It’s been a rough year, but I have come to understand that The Universe wanted me to learn a lesson. I would have appreciated a less heart-wrenching approach, but I needed beat about my head and body with this one, evidently. The lesson is this:

Not every opportunity that crosses my path is meant for me.

Seems a bit obvious, right? But I’ve been a big “Sure, why not?” kind of gal the last few years, and, if a door opened to me, I walked through it. I did it all in the name of bravery, to take the road less traveled, and to try to make my life experiences broader. All of those things certainly happened, and I wouldn’t trade where I’ve been for anything. Well, except for one thing…

In the immortal words of Paul McCartney, “Get back, get back, get back to where you once belonged. Get back, Loretta.” All of this yes-ing came at a price. I have put my big life goal, my ultimate purpose for being on this hunk of space rock, on hold while I gallivanted across town. I am exactly NO closer to having my novel published than I was a year ago. Save for a few words added in the last couple of weeks, I sold out my biggest goal for immediate gratification.

Now, I’ve been working to get back in the routine and mindset of being a writer. I’ve turned down invitations and stepped down from obligations to have the space to sit and daydream (the root of all novel writing, if you ask me.) And after all of this, I’m happy with the progress I’ve made just getting ready to go back to writing. My corkboard is cleared of everything except twinkle lights to pave the way for me to get some vision board business going on there. I’m excited and I’m ready to roll from here.

…but there’s still that little part of me that is sort of cursing myself for having lost this time. I could be done with the first draft and well into my second or third by now. I could have been sending query letters and contacting agents all of this time. I could have NOT taken time away from school and been one semester closer to a Master’s in Creative Writing. Instead, I got distracted. They were good distractions, mind you, full of fun and laughter, and I met so many new people that hold special places in my heart. But gosh darn, if I’m not disappointed at the time I’ve lost.

So, we’re back on track, kids, and I am once again declaring myself a writer, and no longer resting on my previous publications to earn that title. I AM a writer, not I WAS a writer. And I’m bringing to the world a new novel featuring witches and strong female characters and NO LOVE TRIANGLE!!! Woohoo!

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