Oh, grow up

Greetings from Angel Falls in Akron’s magnificent Highland Square neighborhood. Robin and I are caffeinating while Kyle is next door getting a tattoo he earned a long, long time ago. Sadly, he’s having technical difficulties, so we may just be here to get coffee. Nothing wrong with a little suspense, right?

I’m on Day 1 of a month-long social sabbatical. I was in the middle of a massage last night, and kept hearing the notifications on my phone go off rapid-fire. I felt my blood pressure rising. I love my friends and I enjoy our group chats, but something about that moment made me feel, I don’t know how to describe it… Claustrophobic? Agoraphobic? Bitchy? Recognizing the situation did not merit the reaction I was having, I realized my brain was trying to signal the need for some introversion. I lovingly dropped lines to my friends that I was taking a month off from being social in hopes of refilling the well, and then signed the heck out of everything.

“But Nicole! You’re on the intarwebzz0rs right now!!” Yeah, I know. Something I don’t think I’ve ever really made clear with my various social sabbaticals, digital detoxes, and verbal vacations is that the point isn’t to stop my output. The point, rather, is to control the input. I recognize this will sound shitty, but I’m going to be honest; I’m tired of listening to people talk. My poor brain can’t get a word in edgewise, and I’m at a bit of a crossroads right now where I need to have a long conversation with myself about where I want to go from here. Add to that the time I spend waiting to hear from people (so, so much time wasted on waiting for things that never come) and I just need some space to be with someone I know I can count on to have my best interest at heart: me.

So, a month it is, on my lonesome. I’ll be getting myself set up at Kent for next semester’s classes, along with with begging them to ignore my 20 year old 1.5 GPA and let me have financial aid. Then I have to find a way to maneuver my college schedule around Robin’s college schedule, and still find a way to take care of a family, a house, and *mumblemumble* get a job. Ah, good times.

I always try to end these posts with some sort of uplifting positive outlook, but it is what it is, y’all. I took my sweet time becoming an adult. It’s catching up with me.

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