I made it through the Shadow Work. One moon cycle, just as I planned, and I have covered so much range that I don’t even know how to begin explaining it to anyone. Describing it to others as a “midlife crisis” did a stellar job of stemming any further questions. I guess there’s some kind of stigma against questioning your past and facing your future? I’m always the last to know these things. And while “midlife crisis” doesn’t truly encompass what I’ve been up to, mentally, it’ll suffice.
I feel. . . whole. Solid. Real. Like I’ve been in a hazy dream that covered many years of my life and now I’m awake and stretching out muscles that have been resting too long.
I’ve taken steps the last few weeks to move to a visual representation that is more “me” and less “Corporate Me.” I colored the underside of my strawberry brunette hair black, re-pierced my nostril, and had my first tattoo done. Plus, I have slowly transitioned my entire wardrobe to black (Oh. Man. Remind me to write about this again in more depth later because this is seriously the best thing ever.) Understand, please, that these are not moves made to be “edgier” or “hipper” or “more youthful.” I’m simply clearing away what isn’t me to make room for what is, and that’s never a bad thing. Everyone should try it.
As for rebuilding after everything crumbled, that’s still in early stages. The ground has stopped rumbling and things have finished falling around me, so now I’m just sort of standing here with a broom, sweeping the sidewalk until I can get in and begin meaningful construction. I’m happy to be at a place where I can, once again, whistle while I work.